I wonder what Sarah Palin was thinking when she heard her daughter, Bristol, was marrying non other than Levi Johnston. And that they were carrying on a relationship without her knowledge even while Sarah P was bad mouthing her soon-to-be son-in-law on Oprah referring to him as “Ricky Hollywood” and a Playmate star with an “apsiring porn career”. But it’s not like Sarah Palin has known a lot about what’s going on in her daughter’s life anyway. But it is very telling that even after hiding the fact that she was having sex and her pregnancy that Bristol is still afraid of what her mother will say,  “It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she will jump on board,” Bristol told US Weekly. We got engaged two weeks ago,” Bristol Palin told Us Weekly. “It felt right, even though we don’t have the approval of our parents.” In a joint statement, the Palins said, “Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what’s best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.” Hehehe. Good for Bristol. She’s smart. She knows her mom won’t say or do anything in public that would potentially hurt her public image. But this is one kick in the pantyhose Sarah Palin won’t soon forget. And I have a feeling Levi and Bristol won’t be getting the wedding of their dreams unless it’s telvised on Fox News.

It happens in every relationship at some point. Typically, the first sign is about six months in when you’ve finally gotten comfortable with the idea of your significant other, you’ve packed on close to five pounds and suddenly look up on Friday night and notice that you’re in your pajamas, your hair is in a pony tail and it’s 10 p.m. and both you and your significant other are dozing on the couch as another episode of that show with the models, and money and idiot people telling the bald guy “Deal or No Deal” is  playing on the television.

I love this headline, “Cristal Taylor would rather be married to Dirk Nowitzki than in prison.” Apparently Dirk’s ex gave an interview to Inside Edition and told the reporter she should have been a newlywed at this time, not a convict. “Taylor tells Inside Edition that she still loves Nowitzki “very, very much.” Had she not been arrested last spring, after Nowitzki learned about her checkered past, they’d be newlyweds by now, she said. “I had already picked out my wedding dress and the shoes and everything.” But today, instead of sharing a Strait Lane mansion with the big forward, she shares a Missouri prison cell with three other women,” the Dallas Morning News Crime Blog reports. But given a choice wouldn’t we all rather be married to a basketball superstar millionaire than share a jail cell with Thelma and Louise? Cristal is the prime example of how bad a bad girlfriend/fiance can get. Lies, jail record, pregnancy scare etc. In Dirk’s case, friends and the Mavericks staff raised question about her background.  And he took their advice and looked into the situation and discovered her lies. But should you do that in real life? Should you open your mouth when you think a friend is in a bad relationship or you know their partner has a past? Maybe you know first hand what they’ve done or you have a suspicion. Are you being a “bad friend” if you say nothing and then everything comes crashing down? He steals her wallet, ruins her credit etc. Or is it worse to say something and ruin what could have been a great relationship because you didn’t like the partner? It’s complicated. Very complicated.

My husband and I are happily married today but we went through a rough patch a few years ago. It’s a long story but it involved  my now mother-in-law. Needless to say we got advice from all sides. Break up. Take a break. How can you put up with him? There are other guys! etc. etc. He got the same advice and “observations” about me. If we had listened to them, we would not be married. I’m very thankful I heard what people said, and at the time I wanted some advice, but I am more grateful I did not listen or take their suggestions. And when a good friend was recently considering divorce, I was very careful. Did I think she should divorce? Hell yeah! But as a friend it wasn’t my place to tell her what I think she should do about her marriage though she asked me again and again. I simply asked her what she wanted in life, from marriage, from him. And then I asked her if he was fulfilling any of that? No, she said. Well, I told her,  you may have your answer.  Then I encouraged her to think about it, to be strong, that she could survive without him and she’s now doing better than I ever imagined. I don’t think I gave “good advice”, I just didn’t give her “my advice.” I asked questions, redirected the thoughts, reflected back the doubts she raised, and let her make the decision and supported that decision. Now, if you know your friend is dating a sex offender and she has a child in the house, you may want to say something but she (and I know situations where this happens) may not care to listen.

I don’t like to give or get advice too much. If you want my opinion, I’m likely to shy away from outright ‘this is what you should do” statements. I’d rather comment on your train of thought or give suggestions that always end with, “but this is your decision and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing and if not, I have a fast car and a bottle of booze in the back.” Look, advice is not something everyone wants to hear. And if your friend is in a craptastic relationship, she’s in it not you. If you’re concerened, you have the right to tell her that or to say, “I wish he treated you better or I don’t like to see you like this because of what he did, I want better for you.” And as good friends you should also know when to listen to someone even if you don’t agree with what they say. They’re saying it (hopefully) because they love you. But being a good friend means knowing when to speak, listen and shut up!

Police have not yet confirmed if the remains found in southern Denton County are those of Kathleen Garza, 49, the missing Coppell mother believed to have been murdered by her “friend” 74-year-old Leroy Tellgren in April. But if they are, it will be the end to an agonizing few months for her family and maybe help solve a strange murder that has some questioning just what kind of relationship Garza and Tellgren had. At the time she went missing, her husband, Raul Garza, told the Dallas Morning News, “She saw him as a father figure. I had no reason to believe otherwise.”  The two spent a lot of time together and shared coffee often holding hands a store clerk said.  Garza denied claims that his wife had a romantic relationship with Tellgren. This whole story has been strange from the beginning especially the relationship between Kathleen Garza and Tellgren. I think it would be hard for any spouse to admit that their partner was having a relationship with anyone much less an older man. But I don’t care what age a “friend” is, I’d have a problem with my spouse spending lots of time with a member of the opposite sex alone and without me. No matter how unlikely I think their relationship might be. Relationships (emotional or physical) can always happen. And maybe it only happened in Tellgren’s mind.  I suppose we’ll never know.  For Kathleen’s family’s sake, I hope the remains will be positively identified and that the Garzas will be able to find peace regardless of what her behavior/relationship or otherwise may have been. But the case certainly serves as a caution to all of us in realtionships. Friends of the opposite sex are not always friends, do not always have friendly intentions in mind and sometimes maybe it’s OK to question and raise a red flag in your relationship if you feel it’s inapropriate.

“”Don’t take it personally”" when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do,” says Laura A. Munson in her New York Times piece Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear. Munson says she stuck with her marriage, through her husband’s mood swings and hateful words like, “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.” Continues Munson, “ This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.” Obviously, a lot of people aren’t happy with the commentary. But it does raise good questions. Are you weak for staying with your husband if he tells you he doesn’t love you? Are you strong if you divorce him? I don’t know if I would have had the strength she did to put up with him (she set a limit of six months of crap) but it does show the effort it takes to make a marriage work. Really work. Through those hard times that we vow to stay through but often quit at and choose divorce instead.