I love this headline, “Cristal Taylor would rather be married to Dirk Nowitzki than in prison.” Apparently Dirk’s ex gave an interview to Inside Edition and told the reporter she should have been a newlywed at this time, not a convict. “Taylor tells Inside Edition that she still loves Nowitzki “very, very much.” Had she not been arrested last spring, after Nowitzki learned about her checkered past, they’d be newlyweds by now, she said. “I had already picked out my wedding dress and the shoes and everything.” But today, instead of sharing a Strait Lane mansion with the big forward, she shares a Missouri prison cell with three other women,” the Dallas Morning News Crime Blog reports. But given a choice wouldn’t we all rather be married to a basketball superstar millionaire than share a jail cell with Thelma and Louise? Cristal is the prime example of how bad a bad girlfriend/fiance can get. Lies, jail record, pregnancy scare etc. In Dirk’s case, friends and the Mavericks staff raised question about her background.  And he took their advice and looked into the situation and discovered her lies. But should you do that in real life? Should you open your mouth when you think a friend is in a bad relationship or you know their partner has a past? Maybe you know first hand what they’ve done or you have a suspicion. Are you being a “bad friend” if you say nothing and then everything comes crashing down? He steals her wallet, ruins her credit etc. Or is it worse to say something and ruin what could have been a great relationship because you didn’t like the partner? It’s complicated. Very complicated.

My husband and I are happily married today but we went through a rough patch a few years ago. It’s a long story but it involved  my now mother-in-law. Needless to say we got advice from all sides. Break up. Take a break. How can you put up with him? There are other guys! etc. etc. He got the same advice and “observations” about me. If we had listened to them, we would not be married. I’m very thankful I heard what people said, and at the time I wanted some advice, but I am more grateful I did not listen or take their suggestions. And when a good friend was recently considering divorce, I was very careful. Did I think she should divorce? Hell yeah! But as a friend it wasn’t my place to tell her what I think she should do about her marriage though she asked me again and again. I simply asked her what she wanted in life, from marriage, from him. And then I asked her if he was fulfilling any of that? No, she said. Well, I told her,  you may have your answer.  Then I encouraged her to think about it, to be strong, that she could survive without him and she’s now doing better than I ever imagined. I don’t think I gave “good advice”, I just didn’t give her “my advice.” I asked questions, redirected the thoughts, reflected back the doubts she raised, and let her make the decision and supported that decision. Now, if you know your friend is dating a sex offender and she has a child in the house, you may want to say something but she (and I know situations where this happens) may not care to listen.

I don’t like to give or get advice too much. If you want my opinion, I’m likely to shy away from outright ‘this is what you should do” statements. I’d rather comment on your train of thought or give suggestions that always end with, “but this is your decision and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing and if not, I have a fast car and a bottle of booze in the back.” Look, advice is not something everyone wants to hear. And if your friend is in a craptastic relationship, she’s in it not you. If you’re concerened, you have the right to tell her that or to say, “I wish he treated you better or I don’t like to see you like this because of what he did, I want better for you.” And as good friends you should also know when to listen to someone even if you don’t agree with what they say. They’re saying it (hopefully) because they love you. But being a good friend means knowing when to speak, listen and shut up!

We all have great gay boys in our life that are our secret confidantes, our friends, and if we could set ‘em straight, our ideal men. But gay girls also have a lot to offer when it comes to friendship and contributor Emily Erwin writes, “For years you straight girls have hogged good gay men. I don’t blame you. I have an extremely stable and fulfilling relationship with my GBF—gay boyfriend. But this is a year of change in our country, and I propose that you heteros turn to my special and underestimated ladies on the dyke side of the rainbow. That doesn’t mean you should go out and dump your GBF—I wouldn’t dare with mine! I am simply suggesting that you step outside of your picture perfect social circle and venture to the butchier side of town.  We lezies actually make amazing friends and can truly boost your confidence with no strings attached and zero expectations—like a gay man with ovaries! Not sure if you’re ready to consider a GGF? Check out my top five reasons: gay tested, mullet approved.” Check out her story.

Your married friend calls and wants to go out with you and the girls again, “You know, like we used to.”  She’s got a babysitter lined up and is, “ready to party girl!” But when you pull up to her McMansion, the babysitter is a no show and you’re friend wants you to wait while she calls another sitter but it’s Friday at 8 p.m. and it’s not looking like she’ll find someone. So, do you ditch or do you stay? It’s a dilemma married vs. single friends face after the wedding and the babies come between their friendships. And it’s a gray area that often makes friends breakup or stop talking for years. Wendy Williams (“How you doin’?”) says single friends aren’t at the mercy of their married companions. They aren’t married, the kids aren’t theirs. Her advice is to ditch. So what are the rules? Do you have to work to accommodate a married friend with baggage and babies? And do marrieds have to bend over backwards to stay cool in their single friend’s eyes?