Great. Now, they’ve dragged Dora the Explorer into the immigration debate. The Nickelodeon character’s roots of origin have never been clearly spelled out or her citizenship status but the Associated Press wrote, “she has brown skin, dark hair and speaks Spanish with an American accent.” And the Facebook fan page “Dora the Explorer is soo an illegal immigrant” shows the cartoon character vaulting over a border fence. The fan page invites praise, complaints, or death threats to the e-mail address: DoraIsSooAnIllegalImmigrant@gmail.com. Debbie Groben of Sarasota, Fla. created the black eyed Dora image (now circulating the web) for the fake news site FreakingNews.com last year. “My intentions were to do something funny, something and irreverent,” Groben told the Associated Press. She opposes Arizona’s law. “I actually like the little kid.”  It’s not the first time cartoons and puppets have been used in a national debate writes the Associated Press, “In the late 1990s, Tinky Winky the Teletubby, a purple children’s TV character with a triangle antenna — was called out by Christian leaders for being gay. Sesame Street roommates Bert and Ernie are often involved in statements on same-sex marriage. Both shows’ producers say the characters aren’t gay.” Whatever. Don’t be mad your little white American daughter loves a tweenage Hispanic girl with an accent whose citizenship status is in question. Man. That must really burn the Arizona law enthusiasts to see their kid yell “Vamanos!” again and again. Hee. Hee. You go Dora!

I knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time. But yesterday it finally happened. My mom requested me as a friend on Facebook. She’s still pending so I have time to blog this (and delete if from my wall) before I get a phone call about why I haven’t accepted her yet. And she’s not the first family member. My mother-in-law requested me too and emailed a follow up asking me to accept her. What choice do I have? If I don’t, they both know I don’t want to be their “friend”. But they’re family so why do I have to be friends too? It’s not that I put up sexy photos of myself or stupid things, but I use my Facebook for my blog too and sometimes I talk about things on the blog that my conservative mother wouldn’t appreciate or I talk about my husband and I know my mother-in-law wouldn’t appreciate that either. So I’ve censored myself and censored what some can see. But doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of Facebook? Why can’t Facebook have a ‘family’ tab. Special posts that are family approved. I don’t mind my mom following me, but I know the rest of the family members are going to start requesting me too and I don’t want to be friends with half of my 3rd cousins I’ve never even met. And even as I write this I know family members who are my friends are going to ask themselves, “Is she talking about me?” No. I’m not talking about you (or am I? ) But Facebook puts you in a bind. You’re stuck accepting friends out of obligation  not want. I’m happy to chat at a family reunion, the occasional wedding or family gathering. But Facebook is my sanctuary. It’s my place. It’s where I can say things to friends I just don’t share with my family or my mom. And now I’m losing my special place. And it sucks. So my Facebook page is getting an overhaul. I’m going to tighten privacy even more and re-evaluate those people on my Friends list. Because I just don’t want to start family drama over a Facebook post. (Which has already  happened to one family member!) If you are in my place, I feel your pain.

A male Facebook friend asks why his female friends feel the need to post their child’s sonogram picture or worse make it their profile pic. The 3-D ones are especially gross to look at he said. And he raises an interesting point. What happens if, God forbid, they lose that child through a miscarriage? Then as an FB friend your stuck with weeks of sad and depressing posts. It’s a touchy subject. I have female FB friends who post their child’s sonogram photo because they’re excited. And why shouldn’t they be? Who doesn’t print off that sonogram pic and post in on their refrigerator and show their friends? I don’t think it’s wrong to do it. But as a woman, I never considered what it would be like to be the person on the other side of the screen stuck looking at a fuzzy squid-like image week after week.  

But as a Facebook friend, you’re often suck with the uncomfortableness of the Internet wall post. Lots of people use Facebook for inappropriate statements, share to much information or consider Facebook an open diary. I routinely skip posts by FB acquaintances who post about a death in the family–one is still mourning online a year later. I don’t blame them. I just don’t like to get depressed. And at least Facebook allows you to hide people. You can’t do that in real life! Unfortunately for my male FB friend, asking a female friend not to post her sonogram pic will bring down all the fires from hell. Never do it. Yes, it’s irriatating sometimes when those 200 + friends think of you as their best buds and share every kick, squirt, and gooey part of their pregnancy because they are fascinated with it, but I would suggest a bit of  Facebook revenge. Post pics of your worst bruise, that nasty fall from your mountain bike, a colonoscopy with a polite and pointed update, “Look at this baby!” They’ll hide you and the baby pic hell will be done!

Real Men Cook

Are you a real man? Do your marinades make mouths water? Can you saute like a son of a…well, you get the picture. If your that kind of man’s man, join Real Men Cook Dallas this Father’s Day for the annual cookoff. The event is held across 10 cities in conjunction will Real Men Cook , a national organization founded in 1990. “Today, Real Men Cook is the leading urban Father’s Day experience. It’s a food tasting family celebration featuring men volunteering to cook for and serve the community,” according to the web site which also includes recipes .  And proceeds from ticket sales benefit local charities. Real Men Cook Dallas recently launched a Facebook fan page–you better be one of my fans too!–and they’re hoping to build support and get the word out to fathers and families in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who want to make this Father’s Day a little special. Dad’s interested in participating need to complete an online registration form and submit a $35 registration fee before June 21. Cooks also need to have: a willingness to participate, attend a 3 hour – safe food handling certification class, bring prepared food for 200-300 “sample size “ servings and bring bleach or appropriate green product to mix with water to maintain sanitary work/serve station. This sounds great. But as a real woman who cooks, cleans, works, blogs, writes, teaches etc., I wonder, when the real men are done cooking, will they also clean up the kitchen and take out the garbage without being asked? IJS.

SarahPac/Facebook

Getting pissed and letting out a curse on the House floor is one thing. But vandalism, threats and now an apology from Elisabeth Hasselbeck who called the ridiculousness over the last few weeks by Republican leaders and conservative supporters and commentators, “disappointing” to see coming from the party.”  The View hosts were discussing the appaling behavior over the last week or so where members of Congress have been spit at, had racial and homophobic epithets thrown at them. And it’s not just “baby killer” statements either.  Some have been subjected to vandalism and have had their home addresses posted on the Internet. ”I heard people saying things today I have not heard since March 15, 1960, when I was marching to try to get off the back of the bus,”  said Majority Whip James Clyburn of South Carolina, the highest-ranking black lawmaker in the House.

 Threats are not only from protesters but from fellow members of Congress many of whom have encouraged the bad behavior of outsiders.  Sarah Palin’s Political Action Committee has posted a map on Facebook targeting the 20 Democrats who voted for the health care bill. The map shows the districts with a rifle scope pointed over their state. Palin also Tweeted, “Commonsense Conservatives & lovers of America: ‘Don’t Retreat, Instead — RELOAD!’ Pls see my Facebook page.” House Minority Leader John Boehner  denounced the fiery language and shooting and death innuendos but that’s not going far enough says Jonathan Capehart at the Washington Post, “Sadly, said leaders are in short supply, as too many of them seem content to sow the seeds of anger and mistrust with wink-and-nod rhetoric that serves to foment the violent impulses they say they condemn.”  It’s too far out from the midterms to keep the anger momentum going, in my opinion. And anger often turns to bitter idiocy that is a big turn off for voters. This is supposed to be the House of Representatives not the Jersey Shore.

If you see Donna Paul, say hi. She’s on a crusade to meet a new person every day of the year as part of her New Year’s resolution. ”It’s just her one-woman campaign to bring a little more human contact into a world where “friending” is now done with a keyboard rather than a handshake,” writes columnist Steve Blow who’s not a fan of Facebook, but if he was, his profile might look something like this Blow’s.  Paul writes about meeting people at her blog Donna’s Daily Box of Whine. And sometimes the mother of two from Rowlett goes to interesting places like Wayne’s Hot Wings and Beauty Supply in Garland, “Sure enough, they were selling hot wings in one corner and had all these multicolored wigs on the shelves,” Paul said. She said hi to, “Peter, the cashier working behind (yikes!) security bars, shook his hand through the money slot and was quickly on her way,” wrote Blow. Sounds interesting. But I’m a faithful blogger and Facebooker, and I wonder just how far a two second hello goes in a person’s life? Did Peter really appreciate the greeting or was he weirded out by some strange white lady in his store who didn’t want to purchase any wigs or wings and just wanted to say hey?

My birth mother Verna and me.

A post by Shannon Des Roches Rosa at Blogher.com describes her journey as a birth mother secretly stalking her son on Facebook. It’s wonderfully touching to me.  I too was “stalked” by my birth father. Not through Facebook but through letters for years–Facebook wasn’t there in the 80s. I was adopted about 25 years ago through CPS and for most of those years I wrote letters to an aunt who I never knew was forwarding them to my birth father. And when he contacted me a year ago he knew so many things about me. Things I only put in the letter. At first it was creepy, like someone had been spying on me and violated my right to be angry with him for not being there, but soon I realized he did it to stay in touch. And after my aunt died and the letters stopped coming, he needed to get back in touch. (It’s a long story I’ve been writing.) We met and have been meeting routinely meeting for a year. We’re meeting this Sunday for an early Christmas. Turns out he’s lived in Fort Worth most of his life! He’s excited and I’m sorta excited. It’s still weird seeing him and nothing like those adoption reunion TV specials.

Here’s what Shannon wrote about stalking her son, “In the two years since I found him, I’ve watched his profile picture update, known the names of his schools, and seen who and how many his friends are. That may not seem like much, but I’ve learned more than enough to keep me happy. He went to school in his multi-generational family’s home town. His friends list revealed a high school as wonderfully diverse as my own. He dabbled in alterna-pop culture and lefty politics, like me. And seemed to be as moody as my high school self — his number of friends waxed and waned, sometimes plummeting to zero (drama!) before slowly climbing back to the 30s, then 50s.”

“Initially, he kept his face hidden under a scarf or digitally doctored into unrecognizability, which was frustrating as hell for someone who’d been waiting to see what he looked like for more than ten years. Then, during the 2008 presidential election, he Photoshopped himself into a picture with Sarah Palin, defiantly making rabbit ears behind her head. His face was totally visible. There were my eyes and eyebrows, there was my natural hair color. There was no doubt that cheeky Democrat was my kid. His profile updates also reflected his big milestones: I got to celebrate when he graduated from high school. I got to WTF when he went to a state university — his dad had always insisted that his small, intense son was Ivy League material. I got to cheer when, at college, his friends list topped one hundred. I got to WTF again when his profile picture showed him dandling an infant — my gods, was I a 38-year-old grandmother? There was no way to find out, and I already knew a lot more than I was supposed to, so I told myself to be grateful for my privileged position.”

Me as a toddler and infant. I'm cute!

Shannon was able to eventually see her son’s full profile, his pics, his girlfriend, his snarky t-shirts, “But I wonder, would my birth son be so much like me if he’d actually been raised by me?” said Shannon. “I wish there was some way to find out if my birth son knows his real story. Facebook makes it tempting to try: I could friend him at any time, or even message him on the pretense that my mother is a computer-challenged former friend of his dad who is looking to get back in touch (not entirely untrue; they were friends of friends, which is how our private adoption arrangement came into being). But I never will, even though my heart aches for the motherless young man unaware of his maternal spare. Disrupting his life is not a moral burden I’m willing to shoulder. I’ll remain safely on the other side of the computer screen, ever-vigilant and very proud of the remarkable young man who has turned out so well.”

My birth mother Verna, me, and my birth father Ben.

Is it creepy for her to follow him like that? Should she message him? I’m not so sure. I didn’t seek out my birth father. He found me. And that was like a bombshell in my life. It really changed things for me and it opened up a whole world of information and questions I didn’t want to ask but I was forced to. I had the opportunity to find out about my birth parents and always chose not to. But once it happened, it was a blessing. A weird one. But a good one. But Shannon needs to prepare herself for NOT being accepted (her son may not know he’s adopted). Not everyone wants their birth parent back in their life. I know! She may be the birth parent but she doesn’t have the right to wreck her kid’s life with a forced reunion her son may not want. On the other hand, he may be eager to meet her. To know her. I think she should take it slow and NOT message him on Facebook. A handwritten letter that includes an email address would be better.

Arnold Wayne Jones has a great post on the Dallas Voice Instant Tea blog on why you should not comment about your boss or your work on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace or any other publicly read outlet. Hello! That’s what happy hour is for. When will people learn?

Over the weekend, a Facebook friend posted a message letting us know he was cleaning his friends list. Wrote the fella, “Just went through friend list with a hatchet. Like cleaning out a closet.” Several of us made his list of liked people. Me included. That same day I came across a college friend’s post that read, “I heard a great quote today, “A Village in Kenya is missing its Idiot.” Just think about it for a moment.” This guy has close to 500 friends now including me. And in college he was always very conservative but now his posts are taking a Glenn Beck bent that I just can’t stand.  I know, I know part of friendships are being open minded and accepting of those with a different point of view. But several of his buddies thumbs uped his comments. I just can’t see myself sitting at dinner with this guy and his six thumbs up buddies knowing that their personal politics and “humor” are so not mine. It’s like that family relative that you know is slightly (or majorly) politically incorrect (usually it’s grandma, grandpa or Uncle Joe) but you still have to share holidays with. So, do I delete  him or respond and engage his thumbs up brigade with my own “village idiot” comment??