Momma Ruth and Me Circa 1984.

What’s the best advice your mom ever gave you? That’s kind of hard to say. My mother Ruth has never been a woman to mince her words. Phrases like “I don’t chew my cabbage twice,” and “I’ll give you something to cry about,” were common in our household. She has always meant business, was never one to put an “I love you” note in my lunch box and never once drove back to school to hand me homework I forgot in my room. So when DFW.com asked me to submit my favorite piece of mom advice I really had to think. I told DFW.com about one piece of advice that really stuck, “When I was dating my now husband, I had a hard time with our religious and cultural differences. He’s an Arab Muslim. I’m an American Christian. So I called my mother for advice — something I never normally do. This was her opportunity to read me the Southern Baptist riot act. She said, very simply, “Joanna, God puts people in our lives for a reason.” To this day, she has treated my husband with respect and kindness, and I love her for that.” But at the time I was floored. Who is this person? This same woman once emailed me a birthday greeting in college that read, “Happy Birthday. Pay your car insurance. Love Mom and Dad.” My mom also had other nuggets of wisdow I still remember.

Raised by a Dutch grandmother in a strong Catholic farming community, my mother is a stickler for propriety. I still don’t wear white shoes after Labor Day because of her. I always want a new Easter dress and never climb monkey bars without shorts because boys will try to look up my skirt. Before mandatory church most Sundays, I had to find length appropriate dresses, white fluffy socks and “always wear a slip.” Even now it still feels weird in the slip section of the store with women my mother’s age pawing through racks looking for a beige or black under garment. But when I wear knee length and calf length dresses out, that silk lining between me and the rest of the world is a reminder that I’m a lady. And ladies wear slips. Thanks mom! Happy Mother’s Day and I promise I won’t forget to call this year!

Mommy and Me groups are popular meetup locations. For many moms (and a few dads), a support group help you vent concerns and learn or get advice from other mothers. But as one new mother atMomLogic found out, not all mammas are as accepting and helpful as you think, “In the first class, we went around the room introducing ourselves and shared what brought us to the group. Up first, I figured I might as well be honest — so I told the mom strangers that my husband and I weren’t getting along, the baby wasn’t sleeping, I’d had to stop breastfeeding and that I felt like the most unsexy person ever. One mom interrupted and said, “You’re not breastfeeding anymore? Ugh. WHY?” Another then said, “You’re going back to work? Already?” Yet another chimed in, laughing, “I hope you have childcare for your kid, ’cause you’re not going to get in a day-care around here, they’re full!” The new mom concluded this wasn’t the place for her, “Needless to say, no one else was really honest. It’s hard for me to believe you’re just in a class because you’re “bored at home,” or because you were just “looking for a social hour” or “something fun to do” — which is what most of them said. It’s hard to believe you’ve somehow squeezed into your skinny jeans again and your baby is happily sucking on your boob and sleeping through the night at just a few weeks old. It’s hard to hear that you and your husband have date-night once a week and that you have a night nurse watching over your baby so you can sleep.”

I hope not all Mommy and Me or Mother’s Day Out or any other group is like that. I’d be very discouraged as a woman and a mother if other people implied I wasn’t good enough. My mom never attended these groups. She did what other mothers and fathers back in the day–the 80s–did. She took us to a park or event and talked to parents. There weren’t play dates or scheduled get together times. We just went to a neighbor’s house and said, “Hey, is Sally home?” and that was it. I don’t know why it’s so complicated now with indoor gyms and play locations. What happened to monkey bars in the back yard and mud pies? I never had a scheduled play date, my mother was my “mommy and me” and I think I’m fine.

I love this headline, “Cristal Taylor would rather be married to Dirk Nowitzki than in prison.” Apparently Dirk’s ex gave an interview to Inside Edition and told the reporter she should have been a newlywed at this time, not a convict. “Taylor tells Inside Edition that she still loves Nowitzki “very, very much.” Had she not been arrested last spring, after Nowitzki learned about her checkered past, they’d be newlyweds by now, she said. “I had already picked out my wedding dress and the shoes and everything.” But today, instead of sharing a Strait Lane mansion with the big forward, she shares a Missouri prison cell with three other women,” the Dallas Morning News Crime Blog reports. But given a choice wouldn’t we all rather be married to a basketball superstar millionaire than share a jail cell with Thelma and Louise? Cristal is the prime example of how bad a bad girlfriend/fiance can get. Lies, jail record, pregnancy scare etc. In Dirk’s case, friends and the Mavericks staff raised question about her background.  And he took their advice and looked into the situation and discovered her lies. But should you do that in real life? Should you open your mouth when you think a friend is in a bad relationship or you know their partner has a past? Maybe you know first hand what they’ve done or you have a suspicion. Are you being a “bad friend” if you say nothing and then everything comes crashing down? He steals her wallet, ruins her credit etc. Or is it worse to say something and ruin what could have been a great relationship because you didn’t like the partner? It’s complicated. Very complicated.

My husband and I are happily married today but we went through a rough patch a few years ago. It’s a long story but it involved  my now mother-in-law. Needless to say we got advice from all sides. Break up. Take a break. How can you put up with him? There are other guys! etc. etc. He got the same advice and “observations” about me. If we had listened to them, we would not be married. I’m very thankful I heard what people said, and at the time I wanted some advice, but I am more grateful I did not listen or take their suggestions. And when a good friend was recently considering divorce, I was very careful. Did I think she should divorce? Hell yeah! But as a friend it wasn’t my place to tell her what I think she should do about her marriage though she asked me again and again. I simply asked her what she wanted in life, from marriage, from him. And then I asked her if he was fulfilling any of that? No, she said. Well, I told her,  you may have your answer.  Then I encouraged her to think about it, to be strong, that she could survive without him and she’s now doing better than I ever imagined. I don’t think I gave “good advice”, I just didn’t give her “my advice.” I asked questions, redirected the thoughts, reflected back the doubts she raised, and let her make the decision and supported that decision. Now, if you know your friend is dating a sex offender and she has a child in the house, you may want to say something but she (and I know situations where this happens) may not care to listen.

I don’t like to give or get advice too much. If you want my opinion, I’m likely to shy away from outright ‘this is what you should do” statements. I’d rather comment on your train of thought or give suggestions that always end with, “but this is your decision and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing and if not, I have a fast car and a bottle of booze in the back.” Look, advice is not something everyone wants to hear. And if your friend is in a craptastic relationship, she’s in it not you. If you’re concerened, you have the right to tell her that or to say, “I wish he treated you better or I don’t like to see you like this because of what he did, I want better for you.” And as good friends you should also know when to listen to someone even if you don’t agree with what they say. They’re saying it (hopefully) because they love you. But being a good friend means knowing when to speak, listen and shut up!

Blogger Rebecca Dana spent three weeks following the weekly newsletter, GOOP, of mega star Gwyneth Paltrow. In the name of Gwyneth, Dana says, ” I have dutifully tried to rid myself of negativity and the inner gunk of past excess by drinking two tablespoons of olive oil every night before bed. I have done butt-lifting exercises in my living room, cultivated my “sticktoitiveness,” cooked enormous feasts one day and subsisted on kale and lemon water the next. I have given myself a five-minute makeover involving a tight drugstore headband and slathered home-made Turbinado sugar and coarsely ground coffee paste on my cheeks, to open up my pores.”

I’ve mentioned Zella Case a few times on the blog. She’s the country’s oldest matchmaker and lives right here in Dallas. The woman has matched over 500 couples and only 19 have divorced. Here are some of her tips.

1. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself. You can’t keep on pretending.

2. Let people know you are ready to date. People may or may not know you’re single, and by letting others know you’re available that, um, let’s others know you’re available.

3. Go everywhere. Meet people. Get out of your house and socialize. Zella recommends trying a church with a large singles group or moving to an apartment complex with a large number of singles.

4. Always be prepared to meet someone. Look good, clean and groomed. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

5. Men should shine their shoes before a date. Women shouldn’t use too much hair spray, gel or mousse. Stiff hair is not attractive.

6. Women should lean forward when a man is talking. It shows interest. And never, ever answer a cellphone or fumble through an oversize purse. It’s a distraction and a major turnoff.

7. Don’t talk about exes or past relationships at a first date or in the beginning of a relationship. Bad-mouthing an ex, no matter how wrong he or she was, is a turnoff.

8. Men should choose where to go on a first date and have a place picked out. It’s nice to ask what kind of food your date likes before you go out. Women should initiate and pay for a third date with an invitation to dinner, a movie or tickets to an event.

9. Texting and e-mailing is OK for a little while, but don’t let it continue for a lengthy period of time. It’s an avoidance mechanism. Make a face-to-face meeting or stop responding.

10. It’s polite to at least meet someone for coffee. If it’s not going to work out, you can seem busy the next two times they inquire and on the third let them know it’s not going to work and you don’t want them to waste their time or money.

Rapper/actor Ice T’s main squeeze, Coco, posted a light hearted blog on how to keep a man. And now she’s getting called out by bloggers and women in the black community who aren’t to happy with the blond bombshell’s “advice”. Coco wrote, ”LADIES & GENTLEMEN…the most IMPORTANT advice I can give is to make sure you listen to one another!!!!! TALK A LOT!! I think the reason that Ice and I have made it in the celebrity world for so long is because we constantly communicate.” Coco went on to say that changing into your man’s favorite outfit, giving him a body rub or licking and kissing his feet will help keep the romance alive. I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of Coco. Her very wild, sexy lifestyle can be overwhelming to say the least. But I read her blog post and have to say that any woman (including me) could have written something like that. It wasn’t groundbreaking. Her main point is keep the communication  and sex alive.  To be fair, she didn’t point out her race in the blog or make a point of saying a black woman can’t keep a black man. She and Ice T are eight years married strong, but her sex/slut appeal has earned her wide cattiness among women who, fair or not, choose to hate on the bootylicious blond. But, ladies, if this were Dr. Phil’s wife talking about how to keep a marriage alive when a couple has celebrity status and works together, no one would be leaving comments like this, “Oh yeah, her brain game is probably on point too; [he] probably keeps her jaws extremely busy.”  IJS.

Ask Dan and Jennifer. No, seriously, log onto AskDanandJennifer.com for the low down. From questions about money in relationships to advice on homemade sex toys, this married couple is like the Wikipedia of Whoopie. And their web sites and video are candid peeks into subjects that most of us are way to shy to ask. I’m on their site now and blushing.  I’m an amateur compared to these two. Luckily, part of being a reporter means I get to interview totally fun people including Dan and Jennifer this evening at a wine bar. Take some time to tour their site but if you’re at work you might want to wait until you get home or you’ll have some explaining to do in HR.

So I RSVPed to a party of a former colleague but I took a gander at the guest list and decided to back down and here’s why. Leaving a job is like a break up–it can be ugly or amicable. Either way there needs to be a cooling off period a “break” if you will. When I split my job a month ago I wasn’t  angry but I very much wanted to move on. And seeing old colleagues–the ones I did and did not like–at a party where all we have in common is my old job just wasn’t the way I wanted to spend my Friday night. I felt bad because the host is a nice guy but moving on requires distance. I cleansed me email, text messages, phone numbers etc.  The break up ritual is a process many of us are familiar with. And I stick by my decision but I’m wondering if others think it was the right thing to ditch?