Hair whisperers. Professional nit-pickers. Delousing specialists. Parents, get ready to shell out big bucks this school year as a new breed of super lice attacks kids, homes and wallets. Is you head itching yet? It should be. On ABC’s Nightline, parents and professional delousers discussed the new breed of super lice–bugs who’ve become resistant to traditional over the counter shampoos like RID or Nix–harder to get rid of and attacking with a vengeance. More importantly, entrepreneurs are taking advantage of the hairy situation and teams of professionals are going into homes like hair whisperer Amy Goldreyer who uses a  special hair vac called the LouseBuster (they stick something that looks like a Flowbee on you kids head and burn the lice and eggs). Others are opening up nit-picking salons, where, for around $300 in some cases, you can have someone else fine tooth your child’s hair for eggs. These services are offered to parents who don’t want the whole world knowing their kid has lice. But no family is immune to head lice including celebrities like Courtney Cox Arquette who contracted headlice from her daughter. And P.S. hair specialists also say parents have a 90%  chance of attracting lice from their infested child. The problem is the stigma and the secrecy. If more parents were open and honest about the problem, said Goldreyer, there would be much less need for quicky in-home treatments or these speciality services and more parents would be quick to act and check their child. But Maria Botham of Hair Fairies, a California-based nit picking chain, sees a market that’s also recession proof, “We really kind of want to be the Starbucks of head lice removal,” Botham told Nightline.

And in case your wondering, yes, Dallas does have lice specialists. The Texas Lice Squad is located off of Trinity Mills Road and is the” first and only” professional, certified lice specialists in the state. The service fee for lice removal: $95/hr + the cost of the Terminator Comb. (You get to keep the comb). They guarantee full removal after one visit. Some health insurance flex spending accounts cover the treatment as well. But there’s a $75 fee charged if you pull a no-show at the clinic. And if you balk at the notion of paying almost $100 for one hour of nit picking, consider the “true cost” of lice. For the record, I’ve was plagued off and on by the itchy critters in my school days, and I wish people like this existed back then. Now my scalp is super itchy after writing about this, and I’ve got to go check myself in the mirror because I’m paranoid. *scratch, scratch, scratch*

Forget those situps and laps, give me a downward facing dog! Army recruits are training under a news set of physical fitness guidelines these days and, “That familiar standby, the situp, is gone, or almost gone. Exercises that look like pilates or yoga routines are in. And the traditional bane of the new private, the long run, has been downgraded,” reports The New York Times. The new whole body routines are meant to reduce injuries, strengthen overall body performance (including core muscles) and prepare soldiers for more physically demanding combat zones including Afghanistan. But the main enemy in this battle is obesity. “Between 1995 and 2008, the proportion of potential recruits who failed their physicals each year because they were overweight rose nearly 70 percent,” a group of retired generals and admirals concluded in a report released this year:”Too Fat to Fight.”  The news physical training program isn’t Army-wide yet (only a few bases are experimenting) but many of the new recruits simply aren’t up to par. Army officials cited high sugar diets and lack of physical fitness as well as video games as the cause. “What we were finding was that the soldiers we’re getting in today’s Army are not in as good shape as they used to be,” Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling, told The Times. “This is not just an Army issue. This is a national issue.” At some bases they are also putting in healthier eating options as well. While most commanders are still old school in their approach to physcial fitness, the enemy is a lot leaner and more agile than the average Army recruit. And 20 jumping jacks, 50 situps and a two mile run don’t exactly cut the mustard in Afghanistan. Downward dog may look weird but if it means a better prepared soldier, it’s a necessary change the Army needs to make.

If your womb could talk, what would it say? Ouch. That burns. I’m lonely. Not tonight. I can’t stretch anymore. I have a headache. Leave me alone. That tickles. Twins! You can learn more about ‘womb’ issues and the path to womb wellness from author, holistic healer, yoga instructor and Khemetic Priestess Queen Afua during a real vagina monologue from 2 to 6 p.m. (7:30 p.m. reads another source) this Sunday at the Holistic Approach to Wellness seminar at the Juanita J. Craft Recreation Center, 4500 Spring Ave. in Dallas. Tickets are $30 at the door, $20 for early admission (online). Queen Afua is based in New York and she will be speaking about her latest book: Overcoming an Angry Vagina: the journey to womb wellness. Asked in a recent interview if vaginas were angry during sex, Queen Afua said, “Yes, most definitely! So many women experience hit-and-run lovers, or husbands and boyfriends who have abused their bodies. Plus so many women have never truly experienced the joy of an orgasm, or are having an orgasm with the wrong man. An angry vagina is an angry woman while a happy vagina is a happy woman.” She added, “Angry vaginas are screaming, ‘No more secrets! No more damage! No more crimes! No more wars!”

In addition to speaking engagements, Afua is also director of the Global Sacred Woman Village Centre and she also produces a line of Heal Thyself herbal medications and has produced a video,  ”Dance of the Womb, which teaches 25 Sacred Movements for creating and maintaining a healthy womb.” She’s also help lead fasting crusades that celebrities including Erykah Badu, Stevie Wonder and Vanessa Williams have followed, according to Afua. The event is being touted as “a must for anyone suffering from physical, mental or spiritual health issues” and will include other vendors. I’m neither endorsing or denouncing this woman who seems to have a loyal fan base of believers. Personally, I tend to steer away from healers who call themselves queen. And my vajajay seems to be rather happy these days but if yours is feeling droopy or in need of a little pick me up, stop by the seminar this weekend and check out the queen’s website for more information.

Bubba/Bubba's Angels Facebook

A few seconds of mutton busting, a fall, and a mouthful of rodeo arena dirt almost killed 3-year-old DerekScott “Bubba” Kirby of Goldthwaite. The toddler was participating in a rodeo sport we’ve seen children do hundreds of times when he injested E. coli tainted dirt at a Central Texas rodeo in June. How many times did you fall as a kid in the calf scramble and land face first in the dusty arena? Our parenets just dusted us off and handed us nacho money. Whoever thought you could get sick from it?  ”There was no injury, just a mouthful of dirt,”  Bubba’s mother, Deven Denman, told the Fort Worth Star Telegram. ”He was laughing.”  A week later things got serious. Bubba developed hemolytic uremic syndrome, a condition that’s left him unable to eat, speak or walk. “Around the country other children have fallen ill after contact with animals at fairs, rodeos and petting zoos. The condition usually affects children under age 5 and occurs when an infection in the digestive system produces toxic substances that destroy red blood cells,” reported the Fort Worth Star Telegram.

Bubba has since had a series of other health failures including a stroke but through intense support he’s been able to slowly recover. Denman, a divorced mother of two and self-employed hairdresser, has been by her son’s side through his frightening medical scares and thankfully he’s made progress. Bubba has since been moved out of  an Austin hospital to Our Children’s House at Baylor in Dallas for rehabilitation. And he’s been able to speak one word, “No.” To help offset medical expenses and provide support for the family, friends have started a 7,000+ member strong Facebook page dubbed: Bubba’s Angels where you can make Pay Pal donations (or send a check ) and buy a t-shirt. They’ve also created a web site: www.bubbasangels.com. There is also a prayer vigil schedule this Saturday at Trinity High School, 500 N. Industrial Blvd., from 7:30 to 10:30 p.m.

Get well cards can also be sent to the following address:
DerekScott K. Kirby “Bubba”
Our Children’s House at Baylor
3301 Swiss Ave.
Dallas, TX 75204
Room 249

Not my cat. Photos make her nervous.

I took my balding kitty to the vet yesterday to find out why she has patches of hair disappearing on her sides. The verdict: stress. The cure: Prozac. Apparently, my recent month-long absence to the Middle East, followed by two shorter vacations including my most recent trip to Michigan has set of an anxiety switch in Little (Loca) Mama causing her to “barber” the doctor said. Basically, it’s the equivalent of over grooming: she’s literally pulling her own hair out and eventually she’ll look like a mohawk cat (hair just down the middle of her back and head). The vet said the anti-anxiety pills don’t make cats loopy. It just “calms them down,” and, “I recommend them for my nervous kitties,” she said with a straight face. ( NPR did a story on Prozac in animals two years ago.) So I have been given a baggie of placebos to see which treat flavor she likes–there’s a special company that puts the pussy Prozac in the pill so you don’t have to grind it up yourself or use a dropper–and if her hair doesn’t start growing back we’ll start her on the “calming” pills. I know it sounds very Dallas of me to even have this discussion but one of the major reasons animals are euthanized (or abandoned) is for bad behaviors that may be a result of anxiety or stress (like constant barking, biting, scratching, digging, chasing) that may remedied with simple pharma-therapy. There are other meds like Calmatol for Dogs (Walmart $9.59) that have a calming effect without the stigma of Prozac. (I’m not a doctor. I’m just a pet owner who heard this stuff works. Talk to your vet.) 

I had another cat who took my leaving in strides. He just kept getting fatter on bowls of food left for him in my absence. I think he may have been eating his pain (the vet didn’t like his weight gain and pudgy “fat pad”). My husband thinks the diagnosis is crap, “Prozac?” he asked, “She’s a cat.” But he couldn’t deny the “nervous” kitty complex she exhibited last night. The cat jumped on furniture and cleaned herself over and over again (the vet made her more nervous) and cried non-stop this morning until I got up and walked her to her food bowl which was full of food. The vet said anxiety is brought on by stress and when something major is changed in the environment–like a “parent” leaving–they react much like a child going through a divorce. Perhaps it’s like cat like owner one Facebook friend suggested. I empathize with my cat. In college, I went through an anxiety period and made use of the counseling services at the health center. Why not? It was counseling grad students practicing on underclassmen. I enjoyed getting quacked for free. But the first thing they offered me was Prozac. I chose not to take it–though I knew at least a few friends who did benefit from it in college–and instead annoyed them with my blathering about school, boys, work, parties etc. And now I’m married and can annoy my husband with my issues. When I told him my college Prozac story last night, he gave me a weird look. But I think men–and especially Arab men–simply don’t acknowledge emotional issues as anything other than whining. Women (and female cats) seems to understand this more. And while I’m not ready to dope my kitty just yet, I do want help her through this period and not end up with a bald cat or at the SPCA drop off center.

To this day, when I hear “Ring of Fire” I think of my dad who played records at 6 a.m. on Saturday mornings then went outside to mow the lawn. Sleeping in was a luxury in our household. And for the longest time I despised Johnny Cash because my dad played his records and I felt he was in on the conspiracy to get me up before 10 a.m. (when my mom stopped cooking breakfast and the only thing left was cold leftovers.) Later, I came to appreciate him as a masterful songwriter but I was drawn more to Rosanne Cash who was breaking out on the country music scene in the 1980s. Johnny Cash was just her dad to me. Rosanne was “Runaway Train” “Seven Year Ache“ and “Tennessee Flat Top Box“ (I think Jonny wrote that but I air guitared to the strumming sections). Now she was famous. It took me awhile to figure out that her dad and step mom were way more famous.

But I lost track of her over the years (she’s had some health problems (brain surgery) and lost her voice for two years and had to focus on family) and since both Johnny and June’s passing (oh, and that Academy Award winning movie Walk the Line came out) her career has faded behind the Cash name. But Rosanne just came out with a new memoir, Composed, and a new CD, “The List” (based on a list of essential country songs her father gave her as a teenager. You can hear one of the songs here.) And I’ve heard two interviews with Rosanne Cash that have me salivating for her new book and CD. “The list might have been better titled ’100 Essential American Songs,’ because it was very comprehensive. He covered every critical point in Southern and American music: early folk songs, protest songs, Delta blues, Southern gospel, early country music, Appalachian. Everything that fed into modern country music was on that list,” Cash told NPR. You can also hear her interview on All Things Considered and The Diane Rehm Show. And her memoir (what little I’ve heard her read from it in interviews) is interesting and poetic at times. Very song writerish. If you love Johnny (and June), pick the CD and book up. Hint, hint, family. I have a birthday coming up.

I’m caught in a bad romance with writing and will be spending this weekend at the Mayborn Nonfiction Writer’s Conference in Grapevine. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing and talking about writing and meeting with writers but when I found out Lady Gaga was in town and playing on the very weekend of the conference I’d already committed to attend (and paid $$$ for) I was so bummed. I officially hate you people who got tickets and the chance to wear pleather and caution tape. This year’s Mayborn theme is “A Way Out of the Wilderness” and the keynote speaker is memoirist Mary Karr. And, yes, ticketsare still available. But as I put on my best Poker Face and talk about themes and narrative arcs and leads and metaphors and shmooze with the local North Texas writing community and the special guests at this year’s Mayborn, there’s a little part of me that will be humming “Alejandro” with a wistful glitter eye. Rock on Gaga! Wish I could be there! But I’m happy to talk writing this weekend and if you haven’t gone to a conference yet, try it this year. It’s fun (still not as cool as Gaga) but worth it. Have a great one, ya’ll!

Tonight is the first annual Bastille Day on Bishop in Oak Cliff. Go Oak Cliff and Alliance Francaise of Dallas are hosting the event that begins from 6 to 10 p.m. There will be a mussels competition as well as crepe stands, live accordion music, petanque demonstrations, a wine walk, vespa rally, and check out local business decked out in their finest French regalia. Bastille Day is considered French national day and in France also includes parades, parties, fireworks and celebrations. In past years, it was also the day the President would give a national press conference and pardon petty criminals. President Nicolas Sarkozy has discontinued both practices since 2007. It’s going to be about 97 degrees tonight so be prepared for a little heat and mindful of what a stomach full of mussels and crepes might do to you. But I love an excuse to go to the Bishop Arts district!

A Yemeni Father

For many families, Father’s Day is cause for celebration. It’s the time to take pops out for a nice dinner, buy him a bad tie, or sit back an enjoy a good barbecue lunch because he insists on being the master of the grill even if it’s his special day. But for many people out there, Father’s Day is the simple reminder that dad is not, was not, or did not care to be around. And while Father’s Day is a time we set aside to honor men who exemplify the role of a father, it should also serve as a reminder to all the men out there who are not the fathers they should be or can be. That’s not to say there aren’t good reasons men shouldn’t be fathers to their children. In many situations, the wisest thing a mother can do is remove her children or their father from a situation that is neglectful, abusive or emotional unfulfilling.

But I’m in the unique position to say that I’ve had a double dose of fatherhood at the most unexpected times. About three years ago, my father died of cancer. It was a terrible blow to our family. It was the major parent death we all fear and one that leaves you questioning your own existence. I did, as so many who’ve lost a parent, a major life evaluation: where am I going in life? what do I want most? who do I want to be? Not long after he passed away, a man I thought had died came back into my life—my birth father. It was a bizarre experience as both my brother and I are adopted and we’d assumed (and were led to believe) that he’d passed away. The exact opposite was true. He is very much alive and very interested in my life and very eager to experience fatherhood after a long 25 year absence. I’ve been a little hesitant to return to daughter role. I lost the only father I knew and now here is a man who wants to pick up the pieces. 

How do I accept that? One day at a time. Letters turned into monthly phone calls. We see each other about every two months. We have breakfast or lunch. He leaves voice messages. And, yes, it’s terribly strained and difficult at times to deal with this but how many people do you know get the opportunity to have a second chance dad? I do not call him father or dad but use his first name—Ben. I’ve experienced fatherhood before and feel you have to earn that role in a child’s life. You don’t automatically get the title because of DNA. The same should be said for motherhood as well. And since my mother remarried I’ve also gained a new fatherly figure in my life too. I’ve got a dad overdose where some people are man-malnourished.

And this Father’s Day, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have had men in my life who’ve wanted the chance to be a father figure when so many men run from their obligation. And while I can’t say that my relationship with any of the father figures in my life has been ideal, I have learned from each of them the importance of fatherhood. I’ve learned what to expect from my husband when (God willing) we become parents and he enters fatherhood. I’ve learned through losing and gaining fathers that children and mothers should have high expectations and that the role of dad should be an honor for men not a burden or a child support payment.

A former Food Network chef who tried to hire homeless guys to allegedly kill his wife was arrested last week in Santa Monica, Calif., after the homeless men turned him in. Juan-Carlos Cruz reportedly gave the men , identified as Little Dave, Big Dave and Shane, a box cutter, gloves, two sets of cut up $100 dollar bills (the murder-for-hire plot was $1,000), and a track phone. But the one time host of Calorie Commando wasn’t counting on the moral fiber of today’s homeless men.

Not only did they not participate in the crime, they told police about Cruz’s plot and helped police nab Cruz in an undercover sting. Big Dave later told TMZ (who scooped every major network because they actually found the homeless men) how disgusted he was that Cruz would assume he would commit murder, “Why are we the scum of the Earth?” Big Dave asked. He’s not the monster that walks around offering money to, “kill your old lady,” he said, “I may not having nothing in the world, but I’m not gonna do it for a thousand bucks!”  Big Dave told TMZ, ”I have morals  you know. I do have a conscience.” Cruz is currently being held on $5 million bond.  Police rewarded the men’s honesty with beer and pizza.

We all need to take a lesson from Big Dave!