Today is my husband’s birthday. But it’s an off year, so I feel a little bad for not going all out this time. He’s totally excited and spent last night making some sort of birthday compilation movie thing ode to 1978 something (see below). I have no idea. I was exhausted and went to bed but not before he accused me of being “jealous” of his birthday. I looked at the man and just shook my head. At midnight, while he wrestled with wires under his desk and scared my cats because his Wifi wasn’t working and his homemade video wasn’t uploading to YouTube, no, I wasn’t at all jealous of his birthday.

I was, however, thinking of the gift I have to give him. Wives and girlfriends know what that means. Sigh. And yes, he did remind me at 12:05 a.m. this morning it technically was his birthday. I’d just spent the last four hours in Denton at a class. The last thing on my mind was that. And as I was grubby, hairy, and sleep deprived I politely declined his request for birthday fun and went to sleep. I’m trying to build up my energy to be birthday happy for him as part of his birthday plan is to run the Katy 5k this evening. It’s his first race and he’s nervous and I’d like nothing more than to call it an early night and catch up on sleep I’ve lost the last few weeks–classes, grading, writing and planning for a trip in less than 3 weeks. But I know this is important to him. And dammit. Part of those vows included something about sickness (I consider lack of sleep an illness) and health. So, Happy Birthday Husband. Have fun at the 5k! 1978 was the greatest year ever! I’m so excited about this May 13th that I can’t stand it! I’ll even shave this birthday just for you! Woo hoo. It’s your birthday. It’s you birthday.

Love,
Your Wife
P.S. Do you remember what day my birthday is?

Update: At the request of an upset cheerleading mom, the original picture  has been changed to protect the innocent (and guilty).  
A handful of Saginaw High School cheerleaders have received in-school suspensions and other “lesser punishments” after admitting they gave teammates sodas mixed with urine. Members of the Rough Rider Posseinvolved in the pee-tainting incident won’t be allowed to participate in cheerleading events this school year but will be allowed to participate next year. That’s not acceptable said one parent whose child drank the urine-flavored beverages, the Fort Worth Star Telegram reported, “They shouldn’t be allowed to represent Saginaw,” said the father, who did not want to be identified to protect his daughter’s identity. “He said at least one cheerleader urinated into a cup and then mixed the urine into drinks bought at a nearby restaurant. Other cheerleaders encouraged her to give the tainted drinks to teammates at the game, the parent said. When the girls drinking the sodas noticed an unusual taste, they were told that it was from a tart candy mixed into the drink, he said.” Can you imagine these girls hiking up their cheer skirt and squatting over a cup to pee and serve?  What is it with cheerleaders in North Texas? There’s underage drinking in Allen and fighting cheerleader fathers at Southlake and let’s not forget the Fab Five of McKinney who got their own Lifetime movie.  The unnamed father of the Saginaw victim told the Star-Telegram he’s not pressing charges, “She’s already been a victim once. If I go and push [charges], that would make her a victim twice” by having singled her out, he said.” Jeez. Have cheerleaders always been this mean?

Folks are not happy about singer Erykah Badu’s new music video “Window Seat” shot St. Patrick’s Day  on in Dallas complete with mock assassination scene and  a blue blood stain under the singer’s head  that reads Groupthink. The grainy video recalls the 1963 assassination of President John Kennedy except in Badu’s video she’s completely naked. Yes, naked. She starts by pulling up to the infamous downtown Dallas location clothed from head to foot and proceeds to strip layers of clothes away bit by bit while passersby stare (or look away) in disbelief as she walks past Dealey Plaza and the Six Floor Museum towards the grassy knoll. “The people caught in the shot were trying hard to ignore me… it was the peeps off camera yelling,” Badu wrote on her Twitter page.”they were yelling , THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE : YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED : PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON : DAMN GIRL! etc…” Badu is a Dallas native and MTV’s Gil Kaufman writes the nudey scene isn’t anything new to the music industry but, ”the soul high priestess latches on to a lesser-followed path in altogether videos: the full-frontal artist reveal.” Apparently not everyone in Dallas is pleased with the “guerilla style” one-take full frontal shot. “I don’t understand how someone who lives here, who is a resident of this city, could do such a thing,” Lindalyn Adams, a civic leader who helped save the JFK site from neglect, told The Dallas Morning News. It may take a bit to make the connection with the video and the lyrics. But it’s rather disappointing to see a singer as talented as Badu go “on and on and on and on” with the stripping in a video for a very cheap, controversial few seconds in the spotlight. Maybe she’ll get more interest in her newest album New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh. It’s bad enough that people routinely stand on the little X on Elm Street where the fatal shot landed and smile for the camera, but is there really any artistry in stripping in front of children and strangers and getting “shot” in the head and die on a street butt naked?

American Apparel clothing company has ended its search for the best ass in America. And lucky “Boom Boom” (scene in the pic) earned the highest score. The search for the new “face” of American Apparel’s underwear and intimates line began some months back. Contestants were asked to submit pictures of their “face” dressed in American Apparel of course and their photos were scored. Users on the site were also allowed to submit comments on the bountiful booty. The latest ploy by the company to appeal to a younger more bootylicious audience is a far cry from the company that once was writes blogger Jenna at Jezebel,” For a while, American Apparel’s ads seemed kind of like the company’s wares: basic, cute, cheeky, cool. There was none of the aspirationalism of mainstream fashion, and that was nice. American Apparel, a purveyor of dependable cotton garments that don’t change much from season to season, didn’t position itself as a fashion brand and wasn’t taken as one. The whole point was that they didn’t have to sell us on their products with lavish, fantastical ads with otherworldly imagery, because the clothes were good, the clothes were needed, and the clothes were inexpensive.”

“But then their ads started getting sexier and sexier, the female bodies in them became perkier, less blemished, and thinner, and they were shot in ever more compromising positions (not so the dudes, unfortunately) and all around the company set about becoming exactly the same kind of aspirational pseudo-fashion mall brand as anything else. The “real people” thing became a vestige of the old way of doing things that had the advantage of also cutting costs,” writes Jenna.

For the record, I don’t think a lace unitard is cute on anyone. I don’t shop at American Apparel. I don’t look like American Apparel–though I do have a rather cute, um, boom boom–and don’t want to. And as demeaning and ridiculous as an ass search is, in this economy, every company is trying to stay afloat.  American Apparel is trying to gain a  foot hold in the teen/young 20 scene of Aeropostale/Abercrombie/American Eagle/Hollister land by marketing itself as as the funner slightly sluttier store. Like the easy girl in class you dump the cheerleader for because she’ll wear a lace unitard and take pictures of her boom boom.

John Gidding always strikes a handsome figure on HGTV’s Curb Appeal: The Block where he and a team save homeowners from their funky, overgrown, dried out, crab grass lawns and turns their yard (and their neighbors yards) into works of landscaping art. As it turns out, Gidding had to pay his way through graduate school working as a model for designers as well as a model for the covers of several romance novels. The cool cat was also born in Turkey and went to Yale University. And he’s hosting an HGTV series? Really? Man. I hope he’s straight. I hate watching fine gay designers re-do a room. Where are straight guys who not only want to watch shows like Color Splash or Design on a Dime, but who actually want to take time and invest in aesthetics? As for Gidding, he can take his weed wacker to my bush any day! As a bonus, free bumper sticker to the first person who emails a pic of a romance novel with John Gidding on the cover. You have to prove it! Pic and some sort of page with his name.

Mommy and Me groups are popular meetup locations. For many moms (and a few dads), a support group help you vent concerns and learn or get advice from other mothers. But as one new mother atMomLogic found out, not all mammas are as accepting and helpful as you think, “In the first class, we went around the room introducing ourselves and shared what brought us to the group. Up first, I figured I might as well be honest — so I told the mom strangers that my husband and I weren’t getting along, the baby wasn’t sleeping, I’d had to stop breastfeeding and that I felt like the most unsexy person ever. One mom interrupted and said, “You’re not breastfeeding anymore? Ugh. WHY?” Another then said, “You’re going back to work? Already?” Yet another chimed in, laughing, “I hope you have childcare for your kid, ’cause you’re not going to get in a day-care around here, they’re full!” The new mom concluded this wasn’t the place for her, “Needless to say, no one else was really honest. It’s hard for me to believe you’re just in a class because you’re “bored at home,” or because you were just “looking for a social hour” or “something fun to do” — which is what most of them said. It’s hard to believe you’ve somehow squeezed into your skinny jeans again and your baby is happily sucking on your boob and sleeping through the night at just a few weeks old. It’s hard to hear that you and your husband have date-night once a week and that you have a night nurse watching over your baby so you can sleep.”

I hope not all Mommy and Me or Mother’s Day Out or any other group is like that. I’d be very discouraged as a woman and a mother if other people implied I wasn’t good enough. My mom never attended these groups. She did what other mothers and fathers back in the day–the 80s–did. She took us to a park or event and talked to parents. There weren’t play dates or scheduled get together times. We just went to a neighbor’s house and said, “Hey, is Sally home?” and that was it. I don’t know why it’s so complicated now with indoor gyms and play locations. What happened to monkey bars in the back yard and mud pies? I never had a scheduled play date, my mother was my “mommy and me” and I think I’m fine.

Another gorilla escaped from its cage at the Dallas Zoo this weekend six years after Jabari went on a mad rampage through the zoo and had to be put down. And 12 years after a gorilla named  Hercules attacked and maimed a Dallas zoo keeper in 1998 after the door to his cage was left open.  The female gorilla in the latest incident, Tufani, was discovered on the top of her cage on Saturday. There weren’t visitors at the zoo and no one was injured. Zoo staff were able to tranquilize her and get her back into her cage without incident though Dallas SWAT officers were called out. Zoo officials are expected to release a statement today and have some explaining to do on the matter since the city dropped millions on an “escape-proof” gorilla habitat. Two things to remember: gorilla’s are very smart, intelligent animals and no one was injured. I love zoo keepers, my mom is a retired keeper, so I have a soft spot in my heart for the men and women who go in day in and day out helping animals. But because the Dallas Zoo has had numerous gorilla incidents, they need to fix this problem ASAP.

Only in Collin County. Teachers at Carroll Elementary in Frisco sent out a letter to parents asking all students to donate a quarter to help buy principal Melissa Ellis a birthday present–”a designer purse to go with the designer shoes they bought her with donations last year,” reports Steve Stoller at WFAA. Some parents got offended at the audacious request, “The message we’re sending to our kids is that a nice, expensive present is what we should be giving and getting, instead of doing something that is more of the spirit of giving,” said parent Iliana Cantavilla. “It’s about teaching the kids the right thing to do, and we’re certainly not doing that by contributing to designer products for principals,” said Zindy Wilde.

Principal Melissa Ellis

I know Collin County is another planet but in a recession, while parents are being laid off, where teachers just one county south (Dallas) are being laid off, and families across the country are struggling, asking kids to donate money for a damn purse (to match her shoes) is not only stupid and inconsiderate it smacks of elitism. Thankfully, parents DID speak up. And did say something. As for the teachers who sent out the letter, they need a serious sit down. Principal Ellis graciously decided to have the donations sent to program that helps the needy in Frisco–presumably none of the “needy” kids attend Carroll Elementary. The designer shoes she already received we assume she’ll be keeping and not donating though she should consider the Genesis Women’s Shelter or Helping Hands. I have just one question though, what bag were they looking at? Gucci? Coach? Prada? Oh, puh-lease! Maybe I’m bitter because I teach in Oak Cliff and I’d rather have my students spend the money on buying books than handbags, but this just ticks me off. Grow up Frisco. Other students are donating to programs like Pennies for Peace not Purses for Principals!

Video of  New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert has been circulating the web and ESPN. Lambert was caught throwing elbows, wacking other players and pulling another girl’s pony tail with a head snapping yank that earned her a suspension from the team. But some soccer fans are defending Lambert’s actions saying that other sports, including women’s basketball, have an equal number of hands  on fouls and aggressive physical contact. Hey, men’s sports are full contact. So why is video of a girl being aggressive such a big deal? Writes Sarah at Blog Her, “I still think the issue is that the violence was done by a woman. This type of brutality is not at all uncommon in men’s soccer. Soccer Hooligans are famous for rioting. I guess Americans just aren’t used to seeing this kind of thing from the ladies in their colleges. I think Elizabeth Lambert deserved to be suspended. I think she acted inappropriately, but I also think the outrage is coming from people who don’t watch soccer.” Um. I spent my Sunday in the Londoner watching the Manchester United vs. Chelsea game. Yes, there was physical contact and plenty of boos and wankers and get up you bastards! called at players whose aggressive behavior (fake or real) was too much. And there were yellow cards handed out equally. But physical contact is part of soccer but it is NOT what soccer is about Ms. Sarah. It is punishable. Lambert’s behavior is what got her suspended not her sex. And the hooligans Sarah speaks of are fans not players. The video of a girl being mean has a “cat fight” quality that sports fans and non-sports fans will naturally be drawn to. But her suspension is well deserved.  Judge for yourself if you think Lambert deserves the punishment she’s received. 

Today, contributor Lorrie Irby Jackson talks about the “slap heard round the world”. And 61-year-old Roger Stephens, the Georgia grump that slapped a toddler in front of her mother at Wal Mart.” If you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” Stephens warned the mother before whacking the child four or five times across the face.  Writes Jackson, “if Stephens or any individual put a finger to my three kids. But I understand the annoyance at parents who seem to have no interest in teaching their little darlings how to behave in public. Though one survey indicated some 90 percent of parents spank their toddlers.”
Growing up, spanking was a way of life for me. It was biblical. I remember hearing, “spare the rod spoil the child.” And eating soap in my mouth. And some of us grew up in spanking neighborhoods. If you messed up, neighbors and family had the right to wack you one. But now, time out, reflection rooms, quiet areas etc. are used to substitute the belt, whip, switch, shoe, fly swatter or hand. I absolutely hated being spanked. It was awful. I didn’t get it that much but my brother did. And I remember hearing my parents say this hurts me more than it hurts you. Yeah right! But is what Stephens did–hitting a stranger’s child–wrong? Did he over step his bounds or just do what every annoyed shopper in Wal Mart wants to do with unruly, unmanaged children. What do you think? Will you be a spanker? I’d like to not have to strike my child to parent, but I don’t think it’s wrong. A swat on the backside, a slap on the hand or backside can have way more effect than a 1-2-when I get to 3 you’re in big trouble.