In case you were wondering, David Cerda is not dead. Yes, his obituary did appear in The Dallas Morning News. But the man is very much still with us so stop posting messages on Facebook and offering to bring food to his mother. In a WFAA interview last night, they listed the poor man as “David Cerda” and underneath his name “Alive”. Cerda said an acquaintance with mental problems placed the ad (who does that kind of thing?) that was supposed to be verified by DMN folks–usually a call to a funeral home or hospital. But they didn’t. And the fake obit got in. The paper issued a retraction. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. Psychos put stuff in the obits all the time. Because their paid advertisements for the dead, people have carte blanche to say whatever they feel and sometimes it’s down right strange. One of my former duties was to read the obituary sheets every night. Man that was tough. Dead babies, young people, old people. But I met the DMN’s long time obituary writer Joe Simnacher who was my cubicle buddy. He’s written up the dead for 17 years now. And has made an art of feature obituaries–they are the long ones you see in the Metro section and are unpaid. Usually, Joe or an editor will choose someone of note and do a story on them. Typically it’s teachers, politicians, society types (including one woman who was a well known Neiman Marcus shoplifter!) Cerda’s unfortunate incident is not the norm, thankfully. However, somebody on the obit pages is in trouble. The number one rule of obits (and we’ve all learned this the hard way) is never, ever trust a family member of close friend to tell you the truth. They may cry, sound legit but always verify the information. People that sound like good friends could really be an acquaintance with mental problems!

I’ve planned a return visit to my former place of employment today, and I can’t help but feel like I’m seeing an old lover again. We didn’t have a bad breakup. More like the kind where you say you’ll remain friends and promise to call but never do. Normally, I wouldn’t feel awkward, but my time at the newspaper ended on a bittersweet note after a brutal round of layoffs that sent many of my friends packing–the Jack Berger equivalent of a Post It with “I’m Sorry. I Can’t. Don’t Hate Me.” At the time, the newspaper was my Big. And it hurt when I turned in my resignation and chose to leave. Seeing people still employed there makes me feel odd though I haven’t heard from or scene most of my former co-workers since I left. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t called, or they haven’t called or no one wants to call. I don’t hold any grudges…well, maybe a little. But the Dallas writing community is a small one and I can’t hide in my blogger’s hole forever. No matter how much I want to sometimes especially the days when I feel like a failure and wish I hadn’t quit and could still count on the prestige of telling people I’m a newspaper reporter, or picking up a phone and saying, “Yes, from The Dallas Morning News now answer me bitches!” Now it’s more like, “Um, yes, a blogger/freelancer, um, will you return my phone call please?” Once you’re “out” of any media outlet, you’re in a no man’s land. No one has your back, your former colleagues forget you exist and everything is harder. At least it feels that way sometimes. But, I’m over it. I have to be. And like old lovers before, I’ll smile, say everything is OK, I’m fine, things are great and hold me breath praying to get the hell out of there!

Photobucket/mandyporemba

I’m all for leak protection, but when I saw Whoopi Golderg in Poise pads commercial I have to admit I was just a little weirded out. She played historically female figures–from the Statue of Liberty to the Mona Lisa–and discussed unseemly moments when she sneezes and lets out a “little spritzer.” TMI, Whoopi. I just can’t look at her the same way on The View again.  And  then there’s the cervical cancer commercial that ran during the Oscars. A young woman is drawn towards a light a beautiful perfume bottle descends with the words “cervical cancer” plastered on the side, “Maybe it’s unfair to get your attention this way,” a voiceover announces, “ but nothing’s fair about cervical cancer.” What?!? Jeez. And don’t get me started on the woman in the commercial who plays the “monthly visitor”. She shows up at parties and such with a box sometimes. What’s next? A woman’s uterus in a field with crows flying above it and the message: Hysterectomy’s Are a Bitch! Are there women in the room when these ads are being put together? What happened to the good old days when a smiling woman playing tennis talked about feeling fresh. I realize women shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about health issues with other women. But I just can’t see a moment when I’ll be able to gently slip into the conversation, “so, about my incontinence,” ya’ know? And seeing a celebrity doesn’t make me feel anymore secure about my issues either: Whoopi Goldberg pees herself, so I’ll no longer feel embarrassed. I don’t think a woman should feel ashamed to talk about a health issue with her friends or her doctor, but can’t some of our issues be kept just between us girls?

Why is taking care of our aging parents and grandparents a burden? Some people don’t come right out and say the b-word but they imply it tones of, “Oh, how sad she had to quit her job to take of her mother” or “Jeez, that’s so hard on Sue. They had to give up the den for her father-in-law.” Or worse. “I have to go see my grandma in the nursing home. I haven’t seen her since Christmas. She’s so far away.” The bottom line is that choosing to care for your aging parents, for some people at least, is a ‘difficult decision’ a ’sacrifice’ of some sorts. Like you’re doing the world a greater good somehow by caring for your family as generations and generations before you have done. For years, I worked in nursing homes. I worked activities, planned birthday parties, fed fish, birds, talked with elderly people, organized bingo games and a Saturday morning round table discussion on news topics–by far the most rewarding experience. And I’d see patient after patient in rooms, some dying, some sick, many alone and forgotten and it made me angry. Why do we do this to our parents and grandparents? Why is it so much easier to pack them into a nursing home and forget about them? Why is that the acceptable norm today?

To be fair, my grandmother was put into a nursing home. We cared for her as a family for a long time until we couldn’t and my parents decided to put her in a nursing home and it just about killed my father to do it. He felt so guilty. We all did. We visited. The nursing home was local and good, but she died there and it never sat right with my dad or any of us. When my father became ill a few years ago from complications of cancer, he made it very clear he would never, ever go into a nursing home. Instead, my mother took–and from the get go planned to–extended family care leave. Most of which was unpaid. She shuffled him to and from the hospital. And when it became clear he wasn’t going to make it. She took him home. And called hospice to help her, and we all got to be with him. I know that it must have been the hardest time of my mother’s life. She’d dealt with this illness for years and in the end the brutal side effects on a daily basis. She did everything and never once did I hear her say “this is a burden” or “it’s not my job” or “we can put him away”. I’m not saying she didn’t think it. But her service to him was such an example to me. That she not only respected his wishes, but they made plans together ahead of time to prepare for when things got worse. I think it just about killed her at times mentally, emotionally and physically. And the weeks after his death were probably the worse for her, but I don’t think for a minute that she’s regretted her decision to act as his primary caretaker. I’m so grateful she did. I don’t know if I could have done that, but watching her do it has given me the strength to say that it can be done. That it’s the right thing to do.

So why now do we hesitate when it comes to taking care of our parents? Or think it’s strange if one of our friends do? I’m not saying they deserve a round of applause, but I think they at least deserve a “Thank you.”  Yes, a simple, “Thank you for doing what you’re supposed to do. Thank you for stepping up and acting like a responsible adult.” Two local bloggers are writing about their experience in caring for the elderly. Stella Chavez has just started a new blog called “My Parents’ Keeper”.  And Beatriz Terrazas discusses her mother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s at “My Mother’s Brain“. Her blog was recently featured in a CNN story on dementia in minorities. Both are former newspaper reporters now working as full time looker afterers.  And it’s a hard, hard job. Thankless at times. But for so many of us the time to step in and take care of aging parents is coming sooner rather than later. And you need to ask yourself what are you prepared to do? What can you do?  What should you do? For some, being the primary caretaker isn’t realistic. But you can send money. Offer to relieve a sibling or an aunt. Help find affordable in-house nursing. For me, taking the nursing home option off the table opens up a whole new world of possibility that may be a bit harder to locate and find but I’ll sleep a lot easier knowing who’s caring for my parent.

The Bibles-for-porn swap at the University of  Texas at San Antonio drew national attention last week after the Atheist Agenda on campus offered free porn in exchage for Bibles: Smut for Smut they called it. And students didn’t just bring in Christian Bibles either. Any religious text was allowed including to Koran. And, yes, they got quite a few participants. It’s not the first time the group has pulled a similar stunt.  But it got me to thinking about the use of advertising and messaging in all religions, and, yes, I think atheism is a religion. On highways all around Dallas, giant billboards from the areas largest churches offer messages of welcome to future parishioners. The bigger the billboard, the more reach. And some of the largest churches in the D/FW  have PR staffs including First Baptist Dallas and The Potter’s House just to name a few. Web sites like MarketingReligion.net are dedicated to branding faith and marketing religion. Still other ministers do guest spots on local TV shows or radio programs. While the UTSA students may have pulled off a “stunt”, is it any different from what Pastor Ed Young of Fellowship Church in Grapevine did last year? He plopped a bed on stage and challenged his married congregation to have a sex-a-thon for God. The sex challenge was mean to reiterate the importance of intimacy in marriage. But it’s just one more example of how churches and organized religions use media messages and PR campaigns — remember, “Why Gay is Not O.K.” at First Baptist–to get people’s attention. But more and more I wonder if the use of secular marketing campaigns and media tactics such as billboards, guest appearances, junkets for pastors, and sizzling sermons are really sending the right message about congregations or is it really just ’smut for smut’? I understand the importance of growth, informing your congregation of happenings, of getting your message out to people who need to or want to hear it, but billboards? Beds in the House of God? Is this really what Jesus would do?

Today, I’ve launched a new blog site Get Me to the Middle East the web site (tothemiddleeast.com is converting through servers so be a little patient. ) You’ll notice a blue icon on the top of this page. I’m preparing for a trip to the middle of  over there as a journalism/blog project focusing on women in the Middle East. Before you click off, here me out on this one. A few years ago, I acted as a cultural ambassador to a group of women from the Middle East. Yes, I expected burqa clad zombies when I took on the volunteer opportunity, but the women I met were fun, professionals and inspiring women from all walks of life. No burqa in sight.  Frankly, it was all I could do to keep up with them. I promised the girls I’d visit one day and this summer I intend to make good on that promise. But I need some help. It’s ex-pensive (about $10,000) to travel for weeks (roughly two months and change) in multiple foreign countries: Yemen, Jordan, Algeria, Egypt and Lebanon so far. So, I’ve launched the new blog/web site to help raise funds and awareness about the project. I’ll be adding photos, info, updates and more.  Much of the funding I’m raising through my own savings, but plane tickets, travel in country, and new equipment capable of handling a brutal trip ain’t cheap. Please take a moment to check out the site and feel free to donate, ask questions etc.

The weather is finally decent and there’s plenty to do this weekend in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. My top picks: Savor Dallas this Friday and Saturday in the Arts District. Tickets are a bit pricey ($35-425) for average folks like myself but if you’re feeling bougie go for it. For my Fort Worth people, enjoy a little amateur boxing this Friday and Saturday at the John Justin Arena as competitors from around the state compete in the Texas State Golden Gloves Tournament. Tickets range from $10-20 per night depending on where you sit. These boxers are tough and it’s not any of that mixed martial arts crap either. And to round out your weekend, the Oscars will be on this Sunday.

A U.K. cosmetic company is marketing a new lip gloss that supposedly detects if your drink has a been spiked with date rape drugs. 2LoveMyLips products are, “sassy, zestful two-in-one lip plumping breath freshening lip gloss, cleverly packaged to include a drink spike detector testing kit!” But it’s a little complicated to understand, “Using a swizzle stick, a straw or even your finger, place a drop of your drink onto the 2 test cards rub gently wait a few seconds until it dries. If either test circle changes to a DARKER BLUE COLOUR it signals that your drink is contaminated and you should either inform the manager or contact the local police,” the web site says. The product is making it’s way to the U.S. and was featured in this month’s Marie Claire. But there are a few inconsistencies the company seems to gloss over, “Perhaps I’m reading too much into it, but given all the restrictions stated on their website (you cannot use the test with wine, most fruit juices, and the test does not detect Rohypnol), it may just give women a false sense of safety while promoting sales of yet another beauty product we don’t really need. In fact, the best thing about 2LoveMyLips is a paragraph on the company’s website that advises women to buy their own drinks, throw out any beverages that have been left unattended, and trust their own instincts. But if we do all that, what’s the use of the lip gloss?” writes Katy Kelleher at Jezebel. And the lip gloss is about $15-16 US dollars but the tube only contains two test strips, and it’s difficult to tell from the web site if you can just buy replacement strips or if you have to buy a whole tube. What if you need more? And I can’t see a woman picking up her drink, taking it to the bathroom, and in a sober manner, drop two drops and wait for a test strip to turn blue. We can’t even wait that long for pregnancy test results! Frankly, if you have enough suspicion to even test a drink you need to move on. I’d rather see a cheaper product that allowed you to stick the tip of the lip gloss in the drink and if your gloss tube turns blue, you can scream at the bastard in front of you and alert the bartender and the entire bar that he just tried to rape you. Hell, we could skip all the gloss and just have glasses that turn color if drugs are put inside. That has much more effect.

The inspirational Teresa Nguyen–she and her sister founded the Janan Collection and organization that helps Iraqi women–invited me and a few hundred other fabulous people to a winter RED Affair in Dallas with RED iD Agency last month. The crimson affair was hosted in the penthouse of  The Glass House in Dallas. Fabulous! Not only did it give me an excuse to wear my favorite new red dress–thank you Buffalo Exchange–I especially enjoyed the photo booth Teresa had set up for all of us. Check out some of the shots and keep your calendar open for RED iD’s next event, a boxing watch party!

Update: Brittney Griner has been suspended for one game. Who says girls sports aren’t physical? The Big 12 Conference and Baylor University women’s basketball coach Kim Mulkey are considering appropriate punishment after BU freshman Brittney Griner punched Texas Tech’s Jordan Barncastle in the face during last night’s game at Texas Tech. Griner was ejected. ”There’s no place for that in sports,” Mulkey said afterwards. “It was ugly for women’s basketball. It was ugly that coaches were on the court, that benches cleared, and I will take care of that with my team.” Griner clocked Barncastle after an altercation under the basket. The two were tangled up under the Bear’s goal when, “the Baylor standout swung and landed a punch with her right hand on Barncastle’s face,” the Associated Press reports. The video shows Barncastle shoving Griner in what street basketball terms calls for a punch back.  Later, Barncastle is shown sitting on the bench with what looks like toilet paper up her nose laughing and mimicking the punch Griner threw at her. If you’re any kind of a fan of Baylor Lady Bear basketball or women’s NCAA basketball, you know that Griner is one of the top ranked players in the country. She’s a freshman ball player who can dunk with the potential of becoming the next Sophia Young, the Lady Bear’s outstanding All American and WNBA ball player. But Dashiell Bennett at Dead Spin calls Griner’s move a “sucker punch“  and said Griner “shocked a nation with her vicious elbows”. But will Griner suffer the same punishment and embarrassment as Elizabeth Lambert the soccer player who was caught on video hitting multiple times and pulling the pony tail of an opposing player. “Will people come down even harder, because she’s meant to be the next face of women’s hoops? Are basketball fights just more accepted than they are in other sports? Am I just throwing out unanswerable questions, because I can’t decide if Griner is the worst person in America or just a kid with lousy temper?” writes Bennet. Maybe it’s because I’m a Baylor alum or because I watch the Lady Bear basketball games and enjoy women’s college basketball, but I wasn’t shocked to see the aggressiveness or the punch. It pisses me off to no end that people, especially men, act aghast if a female player acts out in an aggressive manner. Hell, what Griner did wasn’t small potatoes but did anyone see Jason Kidd barrel into the Atlanta basketball coach  for standing on the court during a Mavs game? Should Griner be punished? Yes. Is Kim Mulkey capable of handling her players, absolutely! She’s produced national champions and Griner is a fantastic player with a freshman temper on the court. I don’t want to make light of  the punching incident, but I’m not ready to exile a female college basketball player for doing what men in professional sports do all the time. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior though. But I hope Barncastle learned a lesson too. Shoving and acting an ass on the court can sometimes get you a slap in the face. By the way, Baylor won the game 69-60. Sic ‘em bears!